Book Four Reactions
by Josatex
Summary: The main characters of the Inheritance cycle react to book four, which I still refuse to call Inheritance. Reading 'Limbo Time' before this is probably a good idea, but not a necessary one. Rated T for language, both explicit and implied.


**A/N: Oh my god, is this an Inheritance humour fanfic? I haven't written one of these in forever! I'd reccomend reading Limbo Time before this one, as more of this will make sense, but it's not required. As a sidenote, I read Book Four/Inheritance (I call it book four because the title is stupid) once when it came out, and not at all after that. So I did this from memory. Cheers.**

"_And the ship sailed onward, gliding serenely down the moonlit river towards the dark lands beyond."_

There was silence for a moment. Then Eragon threw the book at the opposite wall, looking like he was about to cry. Welcome back to The Limbo Zone, folks. Post Book Four.

Are you ****ing _serious?!_" yelled Nasuada. "THAT was Book Four!? We waited 4 damn years for that! 4! I was stuck in Limbo with you retards for FOUR FREAKING YEARS for THIS!?"

… _I didn't see anything wrong with it._

"It was awful! The plot was boring and predictable, the purple prose was endless, and I got tortured and ended up falling in love with _him!" _She shouted, glaring at Murtagh.

"Well at least he didn't kill me off in a 'heroic sacrifice' Darth-Vader-moment. I was totally expecting that," mumbled Murtagh.

"Oh shut up. It was probably the only part where he didn't copy Star Wars' plot," said Arya. "And it _was _incredibly obvious that I'd end up as the Green Rider. I mean, in all honesty, who else would have done it? Katrina? Roran? No, they're too common, neither of them have any training or skill in magic, and Paolini doesn't like them enough. Oh, and Elva's frog/toad killed Katrina while we were waiting for the Book to come out."

"Wait… How does that work? I mean, if we're all in here, and the book's right there… How are we still in this plane of existence?" asked Nasuada reasonably. "And since Orrin, Katrina, and Blodgharm all died while we were waiting for it-"

"Wait, when did Blodgharm die?"

"He got glomped by furry fangirls."

"Ah. Tragic."

There was a moment of silence.

"And all the Eldunari crap was obviously a copout!" yelled Nasuada, continuing with her previous line of thought.

"And he didn't bloody well bring me back to bloody life!"

"Shush Brom, everyone knows that once the Wise Old Mentor dies, there's no coming back."

Brom went and sulked in a corner next to Murty.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" Stupid filler-text-reading jerk.

"SCREW YOU!"

"Angela, do you still have that straitjacket? Murtagh's yelling at the ceiling again," said Arya boredly.

"No, Thorn ate it because he thought it was a rabbit."

_Fish are nice…_

"- And why did Eragon and Saphira have to leave Alagaesia! What was the bloody point! The reasons CP gave were as transparent as Elva's morals!"

"I resemble that remark. Also, I appear to have been useless in Book Four, which frankly doesn't shock me at all. Considering that I'm one of the few characters with interesting and original traits, CP decided that I had to be quickly and quietly ignored. A silencing spell. I mean _really. _Why did no one else consider that possibility before we went to confront the goddamn dungeon boss?"

Eragon mumbled something defensive and probably untrue.

"And what was that spear-thingy thing about? The green thing with the power to kill dragons? Why introduce that in the last book? It would have meant so much more if it had entered the story earlier, whereas now it just looks like a cheap dues ex machina, just like the stupid Eldunari-and-egg cave," Nasuada said, looking more murderous by the second.

_You're whining more than Eragon, _Saphira observed.

"That's because I'm currently being used as a mouthpiece by the authoress to express her many issues with Book Four."

_Wow… our authoress is a whiny *****, just like Eragon. _

"I'm not whiny," Eragon whined.

Solembum, (who had been steadfastedly ignoring everyone else) looked up from his respective corner and, deciding that the entire conversation was a waste of his time, went back to writing depressing poetry and contemplating the pointlessness of life in general. Yup. The cat's turned emo.

"Well, at least I got some badass time," said Angela brightly. "Even if I'm just a personification of CP's sister."

"Much like Arya is his crush/love wish…" muttered Elva. Arya promptly sat up and tried to drown herself in a conveniently placed bucket of water.

_Deer give me gas._

"Oh my god Thorn, shut up," moaned Murtagh.

"Anyone up for chess?" asked Tenga hopefully. "Winner gets to laugh at the loser maniacally."

"We do that anyways. Every single time, for every single game," said Orik tiredly.

"-And the werecats! Most underused plot device ever!"

"Has anyone seen Roran lately?"

"I think he was going psychotic in that corner over there," said Angela happily. Awful lot of corners here, I must say…

"I DO NOT STEAL BABIES!"

"Shush Arya, go take your pills and be quiet. Eragon, it's your turn to force her to take her crazy meds."

"But whyyy?"

"Because you're a Gary-Stu and she's your Mary-Sue girlfriend. And because you cursed me as an infant, thus ruining my life and any chance I would ever have at normalcy."

"Oh. Right."

"But seriously! Is anyone else wondering why we're here instead of being stuck in the books? Are we just going to hang around in here until we all kill each other or go crazy?"

"Well, easily 75% of us are already crazy, and at least 3 of us are dead. Not counting Brom, who I'm not totally sure about. Or that Kull dude who just sits there and glares at everyone. He hasn't spoken a word, so I'm not sure what mental state he's in. Overall though, it sure looks like we're all doomed to horrible, painful, and long-lasting deaths." Elva was completely deadpan as she said this.

_Flowers taste pretty._

"Shut up Thorn! Go flirt with Saphira or something."

_Keep that ****ing retard away from me, I don't want to catch his ****ing stupidity._

"-And don't even get me started on the dragon eggs!"

"It's going to be a long bloody time before we get the bloody hell out of this bloody place," muttered Brom.

**A/N: I love breaking people's sanity. Not my best fanfic, but I'm out of practice, so I have a good excuse. Or not. **


End file.
